Synopsis
Think Like a Monk includes a combination of ancient wisdom and Jay Shetty’s personal experiences. The aim of Think Like a Monk is to help individuals apply a monk mindset to their lives. Think Like a Monk shows you how to clear the roadblocks to your potential by overcoming negative thoughts, accessing stillness, and creating true purpose. It can be challenging to apply the lessons of monks to busy lives. However, Shetty provides advice and exercises to reduce stress, improve self-discipline and focus, and maintain relationships in the modern world.
Jay Met a Monk While at College
Shetty had a friend in college who asked him to attend a session with a monk. At the time, Shetty was reluctant. He did not believe the monk would know anything he did not already understand about the world. He still agreed to attend this lecture with his friend. To his surprise, he was immediately inspired by the monk. He was shocked by the passion with which the monk spoke about the importance of service. Shetty was so impressed he asked to meet the monk personally and eventually made the decision to become a monk. He is not expecting readers to become monks. He would like them to think like a monk.
Create Deliberate Values
Our identity is like a mirror covered in dust. We have no idea who we are, what we want to be, who we seek, and what we want to value. This is due to the dust that obscures our vision. Shetty explains that cleaning your mirror will not be a pleasant experience. That said, only once you have removed the dust obscuring your mirror can you see your true reflection. Removing the dust allows you to see who you truly are.
Shetty distinguishes between detachment and attachment. Attachment is wanting something to happen in a particular way. Detachment occurs when you want something to happen in the best way. The problem with attachment is that you think you know the best way.
We need to be more deliberate about the values we follow because our values guide us in life. Shetty uses the example of method actors like Heath Ledger and Daniel Day-Lewis. These actors utilized method acting to better adapt to the role they were playing in a movie. But, they would often feel lost after leaving this role. They had started to adopt the identity of their character. Shetty explains the same concept is experienced by individuals who do not have deliberate values. If you are continually following your life based on projects rather than your purpose, you will be lost when these projects fail.
Pursue Higher Values
Shetty describes two types of values with differing outcomes. He encourages readers to pursue higher values, including gratitude, service, truthfulness, and compassion. These higher values are what will give you happiness, fulfillment, and meaning. In comparison, Jay Shetty suggests readers avoid lower values. Examples of common lower values include greed, lust, anger, and envy. The outcome of these lower values is a combination of anxiety, depression, and suffering.
Use Mistakes as Fuel
You need to learn to encourage a culture of compassion, specifically self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Choosing this approach rather than dwelling on negative actions can have a significant impact on your life. Instead of beating yourself up about your mistakes, you should be trying to build the muscles to help you be resilient. If you feed your resilience effectively, then you will be happy irrespective of what life brings you.
You need to put on your protective shield. You should not walk onto the battlefield of life without doing your training and shielding.
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Use Sights, Scents, and Sounds
Think about the first thing you see in the morning. Studies suggest that 80% of people see their phone before their partner in both the morning and evening. Make the first thing you see in the morning a quote you love, a work of art that inspires you, or a picture of your family that means a lot to you. Making these things the first thing you see in the morning will help you pause and think. Looking at your phones first means you start your day by reacting to other people’s agendas.
Shetty talks about the power of smell. There is a reason that spas use smells like lavender and eucalyptus. These scents help create positivity and relaxation that helps protect you from negativity.
Fear Is Driven By Attachment and Control. According to Shetty, the root cause of fear is an obsession with attachment and control. Therefore, the cure for fear is detachment. Detachment is not that you own nothing, but that nothing owns you. Detachment does not mean you should be indifferent to life and the things around you. Instead, you should completely avoid letting objects control your decisions. These objects are called “preferred indifferents”. It is acceptable to prefer having these things in your life. That said, you do not need these things to be happy.
Find Skills That You Are Passionate About
One of the crucial features of successful pursuits is passion. So, Shetty encourages readers to identify their passions. These passions should be the activities that you have a natural talent for and love. The quadrant of potential considers the overlap between skill and passion. In this quadrant, an activity can fall into one of four categories:
- Skill but no passion
- Skill and passion
- No skill but passion
- No skill and no passion
How to Improve Your Morning Routine
Morning routines are crucial for setting your day up in the right way. Shetty explains that having a powerful routine is critical to having an incredible day. Jay does not suggest that you need to be someone who achieves everything in the morning. You do not have to work out for hours or obtain your life goals in the morning. But there are a few simple practices that you can engage with to help your morning routine positively impact your life.
- Don’t Look at Your Phone
- Plan Your Next Day the Night Before
- Integrate TIME Into Your Life
Stop Feeding Negative Information
Shetty explains his experiences as a monk helped him quickly learn that our minds influence our values. We are not our minds, but our mind is a vehicle for deciding what is important to us. Your mind is fed by the movies you watch, the music you hear, the books you read, the TV shows you binge, and the people you follow online and offline. The more you are absorbed by negative sources, including troubling news and gossip, the more your values are tainted with envy, judgment, competition, and discontent.
Start Feeding Positive Thoughts
One way to ensure you are feeding your mind with positive thoughts is to observe and evaluate. Then, integrate space, stillness, and silence into your life. When you tune out the opinions, expectations, and obligations of the world, you can begin to hear yourself. Silence allows you to start differentiating between outside noise and your voice. In the modern world, people are often scared of being still and alone with their thoughts. So, we fill our days to the brim. This means we are too busy to listen to our thoughts. Certain studies have found that people would rather give themselves an electric shock than spend fifteen minutes with no distractions.
Sit down daily to reflect on how the day went and what emotions you are feeling. Monthly, try to go to an environment you have never been to before. Visiting these new places will help you explore yourself within a different environment. Get involved in something meaningful to you, such as a hobby, charity, or political cause.
Be Present With Those Most Important to You If you don’t know who you are, you will not know what you want from a relationship. This means you will send out the wrong signals and attract the wrong people.
The heart of all challenges in relationships is diagnosing what we are asking for and what we need. Most of us are asking for something from relationships that we don’t need. From Shetty’s time coaching people on their relationships, the most common thing that people want from their partner is time. Just being in the same area as your partner is not spending time with them, though. For example, suppose one of you is sitting on your phone and the other is watching TV. In this instance, you are not truly spending time together. So, Jay outlines three ways that you can genuinely spend time with people you care about:
- Presence
- Attention
- Intimacy